MeganeHaven

reflections on old merch ive designed

2026-04-11T21:56:22Z

ive been super interested in merch making for a long time! made my first ever charms out of shrinky dink when i was 15, i sold like 2 only to friends and family lmao. but this will exclude merch i made as a teenager, and skip along to 2022 onwards after my shop reopened (i had it closed while applying for disabiliy, and got approved to be "self employed" w commissions and my shop in late 2022)

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Yumekuro Heart Buttons - Est, Cinis, Oboro
i made these before i had my own heart button press! so sad still that yumekuro is EOS </3
despite ymkr being a very niche fandom outside of japan, even when it was still active, these sold decently! i kept an est and oboro for myself too, by printing extra. back then i was SUPER proud of the artwork, especially the shading! and honestly for my skill level at the time, these were impressive! ive def improved since then, but im glad i took the leap and risk to make these (:

Technomagic OC Heart Buttons - Solithe, Hawk
two very beloved ocs of mine! also made before i had my own press. honestly i was surprised these sold at all, i didnt realize how many ppl liked my ocs... i mostly made them for fun haha, so it was a risk. im someone who loves buying other artists oc merch and such, so i suppose im not the only one out there!
friends have suggested i redraw these anew, but idk.. maybe i should wait until the last couple sell?? so theyre fully sold out. plus id prob want diff poses, not just a redraw. id def include ethyron and tabi in the set too, so maybe it should have a theme? like... halloween, summertime, valentines, uhhhh yeah.

Trans Pride - Divine Alchemy of the Self
one of my first buttons after getting my press! :D
i once saw someone describe being transgender as "divine alchemy of the self". it really stuck with me, so i made buttons out of it! i wonder if i should have used a font rather than handwriting it myself tho, considering print is hard for me (i usually write in cursive). even so, my handwriting is quick and messy regardless lol. took forever to get the text drawn!
a customer once sent me a pic of their hat with this pin on it, and i was really touched... im glad this resonates with other trans ppl :D

Black and White Cat Buttons
this originally started as a doodle of the black cat, but so many ppl liked it that i put it on a button! later on a did a white cat variant too (:
ive never been confident in drawing animals, due to lack of practice tbh. but others seem to like the little cat blobs ill draw sometimes? maybe it was meant to be this way lol. i mean, these ARE sold out!
the black cat is also a freebie sticker of mine! i sometimes include it in shop orders, and give them away to cool artists and ppl i meet while attending cons :3

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ive come a long way with my art, tho sometimes i worry that i havent haha. ive learned a lot about file formatting, how to find and test good manufacturers VS red flags, and drawing in general! i have many ideas and some merch design wips.. which i work on slowly due to health / disability, but regardless! i love making merch (:

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art rambling after the hell known as "health"

2026-04-06T02:46:12Z

( health vent and such, with a glimmer of hope )

............anyways! been slow at drawing recently, but working on the couple of commissions i have. also planning on some merch designs due 5/30, esp since the special thing i was part of ended up not making it to be produced. i gotta have Some kind of merch to design lol.. my autism for merch making is merely limited by my physical health! either way, i have my plans written i just gotta finish comms first (:

artfight is in 3 months now, and while i dont normally prep new refs in advance, id like to finally sit down and make some for ocs that Dont have fullbody refs. that would be: Visp Verity (UTAU), Tabi (Technomagic, original), Imelda Sagun (The Lumen-Lit, original), and Sammie (Splatoon). idk if ill get them all done in time..? but ill try!! id also like to do updated refs for Solithe Fennessec, Hawk, and Lord Ethyron since theirs are from 2021 lol

also been planning a "base ref" for my sona, so that i can edit the outfit and such for different universes (: i am.... the selfship guy even tho im very shy talking about it haha

too much to draw with too little energy to sit up !! will have to sort priorities, with commissions at the top

my final message for this entry: me, my bf, and one roommate were chatting in the car, both of them telling me i should make a "chess yaoi zine".. which would be very fun, i do love chess and used to compete in tournaments.... have to start planning gijinkas in that case lol. our roommate said the queen could be a super feminine gay guy, and i was like WAAAAIT UR RIGHT...! tho traditionally we all know the queen is a trans woman.
...as a very young child, i would think about how i was told all pieces were men with the exception of the queen. "pawn become queen how..?" i swear if the genders were the other way around i would have come out wayyyy sooner than age 12 LMAO

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anotha life update since i disappeared almost 2 weeks

2026-03-22T05:36:38Z

its been a hot minute since i last posted for two (2) reasons: went to a con a week ago w my bf and friends, and then couple days ago i find out that i owe quite some money on medical bills i didnt know about .

anyways, nakacon was so fun!! stayed within my budget for merch while successfully getting cool stuff! i love merch and i love merch making, you can imagine how much i love artist alleys lol

speaking of merch making, alongside working on commissions ive been doing more w some acrylic charm designs... and a specialty thing that will HOPEFULLY be printed... wont be able to pay for manufacturing until late april at the earliest, hopefully ill be fine to, but its good to prep designs in advance (:

i have 3 commissions in queue rn, one im almost done with and another im reworking the thumbnail (wasnt satisfied with my first couple attempts). dont wanna overwhelm myself but ive been advertising on bsky to try and get more bc.. money.
(i feel guilty having gone to a con now even tho theres no way i could have Known id get jumpscared by phone call and letters in the mail, which piles up on what i normally pay in bills per month)

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if youve seen me on bsky, then u likely know i have to pay over $1600 first thing when i get my monthly check march 25th. which is ¾ of my income.. ive been stressing but have been sharing my vgen + ko-fi. so far i have $252 out of the $500 i set as a goal! just to make up for some of it + make sure i can get groceries for me and bf, and have wiggle room for any other medical expenses / unexpected expenses.

which.. i do still need to see a neurologist about the periodic catatonia + peripheral vision issues. cant afford the copay tho!! so itll likely be in may or june. wonder what tests ill have to have done... scan my brain fellas and fix me up!
(thankfully theres no brain pressure on my eyes, confirmed by thorough eye exams i had in february. was worried i could have brain cancer like my dad, but its unlikely now i think with that. Eyes are healthy aside from my eyesight being shit! lol)

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i gotta share more art on here soon. either wips or past pieces... been thinking about oboro yumekuro a lot again! but also some specific ocs (:

if you read this far... hi! comment and tell me something good thats happened for you in march, no matter how big or small! <3

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[WIP] Necro no Hanayome [secret merch type... for now]

2026-03-13T04:42:53Z

All I want is to see you again
Is that such a sin?

plotting something... that will HOPEFULLY happen (its a group order lol, i cant carry it myself) alas i cannot specify what kind of merch it is yet. what i can do tho is crop it to show my wip!!

Necro no Hanayome has been a dear song to me for a long time. you know how i am with stories with grief! i still listen to it often (usually the remastered version nowadays), and it kills me every time. so its about time i drew something about it!!

i cant continue this until theres a completed template to work with, but hey i got a rough sketch down! very excited to continue when possible (:

other designs i plan on are something with kasane teto and ted, duke of venomania (this one might get cut against my will tho), and Maybe a classic miku song like rolling girl.. maybe even magnet... if i dont do magnet then i may try to sneak in a luka design too, im biased towards just be friends or corruption garden but well see LOL

the doctor and his dead love, his bride, the woman who was abandoned by all but him, god i love this song and its story

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ive thought of having a Velein AU w this song before. Velaris as the doctor, Einjar as the ~~bride~~ groom. would love to do illustrations of it sometime (:
would it end in such tragedy as well tho? ...likely yes, or perhaps an altered tragedy

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one william updates + a lil technomagic rambling

2026-03-11T23:16:15Z

was gonna post yesterday and share art from awhile back, alas DW wasnt loading correctly (perhaps bc of the storms on my end affecting wifi...?). oh well! i can post it later when im on pc

citrus con was very fun!! as an artist, i also got a few commissions and shop sales :D more than i thought i would :3 been working on them slowly as ive also been busy, and will be attending (not tabling) nakacon this weekend w friends!
did you know thisll be my bf's first con EVER? so excited for him!! he will see my merch autism in full blast LOL

close friend of mine flew in yesterday, so weve been hanging a bunch! rn im resting tho, since i started getting distressed hallucinating some kind of strange(?) animal in the room.. wasnt sure if it was a black cat or dog, but tbh it didnt quite look like either. watever im fine lol
my best friend will also be flying in friday! they were gonna be here tonight, but sadly their flight got delayed. its fine tho bc the airline let them delay their flight back by 2 days, so they can still stay a week! (:

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ive picked back up sewing, havent finished a plush since i was in elementary school. rn im working on a "kitty bean" plush, pattern by cholyknight / sewdesune. this one is purple, next two will be pink and deep blue to create the bi flag! (friend suggested it, and my bf is bi so why not! would be too many cats to do the gay flag for me LOL)

ive almost finished the face, then i gotta start stitching the ears then body. its so fun! just wish my carpal tunnel wasnt evil. back brace helps me sit up a lil longer so its mostly my wrist as the issue
its also my first time working with minky, which is easier than i thought itd be lol. helps the tutorial pdf is specific on what to do!

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hoping to work more on comms later, or perhaps merch too. finished shading the bg for the Ethyron daki bookmark!! now i gotta create a reverse side w his name and such.. i wonder if i should put my username too? bookmarks from other artists ive bought Sometimes have their info on the back. but im unsure if i should or shouldnt

eventually ill do the Solithe, Hawk, and Tabi daki bookmarks too! Hawk is a sketch wip rn, but i dont like the pose angle... too flat of a pose. ill have to retry it :3

been thinking about Tabi lately, i need to give her a proper fullbody ref— tbf everyone in technomagic needs an updated one, i drew the other 3's refs in 2021. its something id like to do!

could also be fun to sketch a height chart. id include Luc (bf's oc, gardener in Fauseria) and Lorine (best friend's oc, Solithe's bodyguard). honestly Granny Mariposa as well, tho mats never done her design yet. shes old as fuckkk, aka an elf thats around 125 years old (elf lifespan is average 120 years, humans 80). she helps Luc when he's new to Fauseria and not understanding customs. Granny has also lived to see 3 high priests, including Solithe who took the role early when their uncle (previous high priest) died.

...height chart turned into rambling lol. either way, i think itd be fun whether its doodles or flat colored etc (: for now i gotta focus on comms and merch designs with deadlines. sprinkle in a little personal art too tho.. and studies...... well see what i do!

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Song Rec: the box ft. Sf-A2 Miki (SynthV) by 11vein

2026-03-05T18:29:26Z

I'm begging for the key
that unlocks the memories you left behind
lay down your life, it's your time

ever since this song dropped a few days ago, ive been listening to it a TON! sometimes on loop lol. the tune and instrumental are quite catchy!

11vein has been improving a TON as a vocal synth producer!! its so cool to see, and i mean i love Salt Wound Routine as well (:
not to mention its cool to see miki in clearer english!! thank you synthv for miki and kiyoteru english xoxo

all in all, this song hits a piece of my heart i cant quite describe, maybe someone coming across this entry will have better words for it? either way, id love to hear and pls leave a comment for 11vein as well! <3

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pc is back + citrus con!

2026-02-26T02:02:20Z

MY PC IS FIXED so me n my bf tried replacing motherboard (and cpu) since it died, but then it wouldnt turn on... gave up and went to a custombuilt pc specialty repair place. turns out.. MY SYSTEM DRIVE DIED... its ok bc almost everything was backed up, however... i lost all my terraria saves, 15 years and active worlds gone ): (im usually the world host ahaha)

anyways. ive been setting it up today, taking my time as to not overwork myself. unfortunately im now on windows 11, but i cope ill remove bloatware and copilot shit next week. played a little of a terraria solo expert world i just made. im mourning my characters and worlds fr

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citrus con starts this friday! im part of the artist alley, so ill see you all there if ur attending! (:

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intro to incubus!kasane ted

2026-02-21T04:39:44Z

as you all know, i love kasane ted dearly! but did you know... i have an AU of him? one quite different from how i imagine him in "canon", but thats the beauty and freedom of vocal synths (:

that AU is.. an incubus AU!!

different outfit, different vibes, but still recognizably kasane ted! ive always been a fan of men in outfits with silly cutouts, so thats part of how this design came to be. originally, this AU was purely for selfship purposes (crossover universe with multiple meow meows in a fantasy setting), but now ive used him in covers as well.

one of those covers is Whisper Whisper Whisper, which i made this artwork for:

Whisper Whisper Whisper feat. Kasane Ted

overall, ive never been too invested in AUs. always prefering canon with few exceptions, tho some ocs ive had fun w AUs (see royalty AU Nollus, and lich AU Velaris). incubus ted was the first time ive had a ton of fun figuring out an alternate version of a character and setting!

without rambling too much, as that would require delving into selfship stuff (no longer crossover tho, i got tired of that universe), i will also say: teto is a succubus since yknow, siblings

...me n my friends have considered a fantasy AU of our own utauloids. my Visp Verity would be a mage that excels in both healing and destructive magic, meanwhile Utakawa Rio would be a sorcerer that casts spells with sound— not music per say, but harnessing sounds! theres 3 others who havent recorded their voicebanks yet, but would be an artificer of alien technology, a nature druid that summons frogs for support, and an anthro robot tank (who cant be healed by Visp's magic, so its a matter of weird alien tech patching him up).
I EXPLAIN ALL OF THIS TO SAY. incubus ted and succubus teto would be in this setting, love interests of Visp and Rio respectively :3

to close off, check out this silly drawing i did once

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its mine and mat's anniversary!

2026-02-18T18:52:06Z

today is our anniversary!! feb 18th! im so lucky to know and have him, hes very dear to me and so so kind <3

on valentines i presented mat with rings! we cant legally marry bc im disabled (US doesnt have marriage equality despite ppl thinking so), so the rings are to show commitment beyond paper (:

im the ghoulish hand on the left, and mats hand is on the right! (we kept joking how ghoulish my hand looks next to his, for context lol)

we were going to get lunch downtown today and stop by an indie art / crafts / zine shop, but unfortunately ICE has been present and detaining ppl in our town since the weekend. so were staying home, better safe than sorry. a roommate offered to get us takeout tho!! which if theyre still up for it, wed deeply appreciate :3
(their 6 y/o daughter is sick, so they may get sick too.. we will see but hopefully not!)

all in all, i used to think i was impossible to love, especially after being with my abusive ex when i was 18-20. not to mention how often i was shamed for my limitations from disability by other people. But mat has proven i am loved, i am worth it, and that i always do my best with my limitations (sometimes i push myself too hard lol)

i love him and intend on spending my life with him 🖤🖤🖤

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my PC needs the hospital

2026-02-16T20:04:57Z

so my motherboard seems to dead... got help from my bf's dad (works in IT) over the phone, tried some fixes, but its been narrowed down to most likely needing a replacement for my motherboard ): if not that, my system SSD must have failed suddenly (which would be odd, when my D drive internal SSD was dying, it was simply going slow and fucking up until i couldnt read or write to it anymore. my system SSD has shown no such signs)

so i gotta go to a repair shop this week to help confirm up close that i need to replace the motherboard. Or perhaps find a fix that doesnt require paying for a PC part?? who knows whatll happen..

even if it is my system SSD, i have almost everything on it backed up. only important things id lose is my terraria save files and sprite sketches for a gamejam im in this month. By the way, my pc fucking up rn is terrible timing since im the artist in a gamejam and citrus con is in less than 2 weeks ... hoping itll be fixed before then ahhhhhh!!

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while i wait to be able to go to the repair shop, ive been bored. i mean, i have books to read and my 3ds + switch, not to mention i was writing on my phone via ellipsus recently. but being worried about my PC has me a bit stuck i suppose. I havent finished reading this library book due on the 27th.. nor have i started houseki no kuni v7...

if i do lose my terraria saves ill be devastated, me n mat are somewhat far along in a calamity run that i have the world for. but what can u do ):

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gift for my bf + a couple commissions

2026-02-12T20:13:49Z

i made. the ultimate art gift for my boyfriend recently... i dont know if you guys are ready for this...

but im gonna show it anyways!

yup, thats his fursona on the classic dA base by sketchmichi !!

he really liked it! i drew it as a surprise (by kindly requesting him to Not look at my pc for a bit lol), and now hes obsessed :D

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onwards to recent commissions...

Spot Color Heart Button for Chiko
note that this shape is different from my own heart buttons, so they could print it themselves w their button press!

ive been really enjoying drawing b&w + spot color art, so i was really happy to do this commission!
also gives me practice on the style since i wanna utilize it for comics (: tho im unsure if ill use the textured pen for comics OR do strictly black w screentones (+ one spot color) ! we shall see... as i practice more.... lol

Shaded Bust for Dysper

i will be so honest. i ADORE this design, and had a great time w this piece!! i was a little worried about doing the hair color streaks, turned out wayyy easier than i expected it to be :D
all in all a very fun commission (:

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my commissions are closed until Citrus Con, in which ill be offering some discounted commission slots! i have all im doing written down, tho ... im unsure if im allowed to say before the event? so ill refrain for now. in the meantime tho, i can still print heart buttons w premade art (aka ur art, commissions, photos, past designs of mine, etc) + my shop is open on ko-fi <3

i hope i do well at the con...! my first time being in an Artist Alley, tho its digital. excited nontheless!

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health back at it again + art stuff

2026-02-12T19:54:08Z

eye exam went well, getting new glasses with a huge update in prescription. this doesnt however answer why my peripheral vision has been worsening + having bouts of tunnel vision, nor the periodic catatonia. ahaha. im getting referred to a neurologist. i dont know how to pay for the neurologist tho, insurance only covers 80% (i dont have vision insurance, so now i have like $600 to pay off on carecredit)

i dont think its brain cancer like what killed my dad, despite the peripheral vision issues being his very first symptom. plus during the eye exams, there wasnt any brain pressure on my eyes. which is good. but i wish i had answers, easy answers.

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im participating in a gamejam, Trans Joy Jam, with my friend Eudiel. im the artist, ey are doing the programming, we both write. im having fun with it so far! hoping i can get what i need done despite health declining and being scary. have some concept art already, gonna be working on sprites soon, but all thats secret.. for now

i wish i had more new art to post to socials like bluesky. ive been slow at drawing. and dont get me wrong idgaf about numbers and engagement, its just that part of my income is commissions and my shop so. good to post and share art! plus i like sharing it in general <3

gonna see if i can relax by drawing an oc or working more on gamejam art. ill be working on gamejam art later regardless but ya (:

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reflections upon disability.. disabling me

2026-02-01T02:12:00Z

this is negative i suppose, but i wanted to put my thoughts somewhere other than my daily journal, and fsr dreamwidth felt right

theres so much i always want to do, and im limited by being severely mentally and physically disabled. i wont go into all my medical stuff, but.. lately, aside from chronic pain and wound surgery, its been a combination of focus issues and.. i really hate to admit it, but lack of enjoyment. im not having as much fun with anything anymore. which has been an issue for years, sometimes getting better sometimes getting worse. its depression, i know, i mean i AM schizoaffective depressive type so it makes sense. i just wish i wasnt going numb to things i enjoy.

my cognitive issues have been worsening too, i honestly dont know what to do. my bf helps a lot, im very grateful for him. but i have so many worsening lapses in my memory.. sometimes im completely Not There / unresponsive and unmoving for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. and ill remember none of it meanwhile hes been doing everything to help me snap out of it. losing cognitive awareness is terrifying, and it reminds me of when my dads final couple of months with brain cancer. that shit does so much to you cognitively ):

i dont ever talk about being schizoaffective publicly tho, so lets keep that info here. i am getting tired of hiding it all my life. despite abuse ive faced for being psychotic. but i have a Much better support system now.

either way, all i really want to do is draw, write, play games, read... etc. but i struggle so much with it all and for what? i want to be better, dont get me wrong. i just wish all my efforts To get better worked, well, better i guess

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my pipe cleaner leech <3

2026-01-29T01:52:05Z

my roommates 6 y/o daughter wanted to craft with pipe cleaners w me n mat
So naturally heres my new pet leech (:

( additional photos )

i dont have much else to say since i really just want to dedicate this to my pipe cleaner leech. uhhhh i read volume 6 of houseki no kuni yesterday, started an experimental art piece too a couple days ago i think...? but ill talk more about that when i post it when its done

houseki no kuni beloved. im so fixated on it but have no outlet bc mat hasnt started reading the manga yet after i showed him the anime !! plus some other friends are gonna be watching the anime for the first time soon, they havent read the manga.. so im ALONE. and not even done with the manga myself since im a slow reader (:> I COPE!!!! anyways my sona for hnk is Scolecite (Scol for short), my bf mats is Larimar, my best friend rivers is rhodonite!

im really bad at Not rambling huh LMAO

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my beautiful silly chibi world

2026-01-22T18:56:48Z

ah yes, "silly chibi" ... a chibi style i offer for commissions, and also have made acrylic charms of. but you may be wondering, where did it all start?

well...

Velaris Darcenell, age 176 (~19) in the eyes of his father, Gorluin Darcenell

it all started... with this silly doodle i did ! based on an image of a dog i saw that had the caption "my son who doesn't understand he's begging for boiling water that's on the stove". if you know anything about Velaris' backstory, he always was inclined to learn about what was forbidden and why, since surely all magic has a use. what started with stern scoldings and yelling turned into disownment once he actually got his hands on necromancy.

sometime after that, i had the idea of polishing this stylization for the sake of acrylic charms! and what turned out was:

Baldur's Gate 3 Silly Chibis Set 1 - Lae'zel, Gale, Astarion, Kar'niss, Neuvaine (Tav)

Silly Chibis of Laeneugale, my BG3 poly ship with my Tav

set 1 of bg3 charms!! (i still plan on set 2 with the rest of the companions, finances and health have delayed it quite a bit. plus i didnt do all at first to test this manufacturer out!) the style is more smooth and polished, while still being heavily simplified (:

lots of ppl showed interest in buying as i shared my designs along the way, but once they were made and in my shop... no sales for over 2 months of these guys. in fact, ive only sold 6 to this day..
take that as a reminder that just bc ppl show interest doesnt mean theyll actually buy ):

regardless, im still proud of them and will complete the set when i can! and i shant give up on finding these charms homes!!!!!! so uh, heres the link to my ko-fi if u wanna see lol

anyways... with that interest shown, i also decided to make Silly Chibi an option on my VGen! which was a bit more successful, tho at the fault of me underpricing at first. started as $10, then after doing a few i upped to $20. very recently i upped them to $30 alongside the rest of my commissions being raised in price, which i mean. i need to live and pay medical bills while art is my only income aside from disability benefits lol

ill show a few of the commissions ive done here!

Caelyan, a BG3 Tav

Cerise, a FFXIV elezen - my close friend wanted a soft brush like the original with Velaris, so i did that in a more polished manner!

Nacht, an elf OC

im glad everyone loved their finished pieces!! and glad i got to draw so many elves (:

to close this off, i will say alongside the BG3 set 2 charms, i also have technomagic ocs on the silly chibi to do list! Solithe is done, so now i gotta do Lord Ethyron, Hawk, and Tabi. ill be so brave printing them since the MOQ is 20 lol, im willing to wait over time to sell them bc i love my ocs

until next time~

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finally added some more icons

2026-01-20T00:15:51Z

as the title says. i now have 5 icons (:
4 are of my ocs, 1 is selfship. you know how it is

do i have anything else to update you guys on? uhhhh idk. i did finish a commission today! black and white + spot color heart button design.

i also need to get dashuri more food soon, would be able to afford it easily if i had my debt consolidation loan already. bc itd only be like $16 on credit card then pay it IMMEDIATELY next bill. however the company is having back end issues trying to send me the loan amount ): i dont have much debt but this would still be cheaper per month AND less interest overall. so dashuri food.. ill need it later this week, have to figure that one out. smiles weakly

rent is lowered to be $150 less starting next time i pay (late this month), so thatll help a lot w money at least!! :3

my final message: this icon is of my oc Ascelin Gallris. he is everything to me

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some merch designing thoughts and whatnot

2026-01-19T04:41:01Z

holy shit i only got the specimen girl blood flask charms up on my ko-fi yesterday and as of rn ive already sold HALF !! tbf theyre limited edition, i only made 10, but im still so surprised and happy about this ! :D

was talking about this in my small friends discord server, and one friend of mine said im "tapping into [my] demographic". had me thinking a bit, truly i do want to make more merch of characters i like, both canon and ocs (tho i should really do more fanmerch rn haha).. i gotta be braver and embrace drawing what i like bc i am finding other ppl who like the same stuff! <3

one "series" of merch ive wanted to make for a Long time is multiple sets of acrylic charms featuring shirtless men. halfbody, around 3" or 2.5". i have Dreamed So Much of doing this, i have a list of characters i want to do it for (should probably update it soon), yet i ... just kinda havent illustrated for it. tbf ive been focusing on commissions to make extra income and survive, and a project like this will take a good amount of time. However. why dont i just go for it?

...i can start working on these acrylic charms more seriously after the con! i should be brave, i believe i am connecting with my target audience, so do it i shall!! ..hope i can both keep the motivation and Not get sick again in a way that impedes my progress working

series and characters i have written down to do (subject to change):

Baldur's Gate 3 - Gale, Wyll, Astarion, Halsin, and MAYBE Kar'niss
Vocal Synth - Kaito, Gakupo, Ted, Kiyoteru
OCs - Velaris, Einjar, Ascelin, Solithe, Hawk, Ethyron (all of these are a maybe... but id like to... wait what if i put Velaris and Einjar together on the same design—)
ok so. i also had Witch Hat Atelier written, but im second guessing myself there.
could consider FFXIV, but im way more invested in minor NPCs tbh.. like Aulus and Briardien
what else could i consider. Uhhhhhhhh

im excited thinking about designing these but also fighting the thought that i wouldnt be able to finish them in a reasonable amount of time.. send me strength. Suggestions welcome as well!

for now... i rest... and continue working on commissions before i sleep in a bit if i can (:
my final message is that my ko-fi is in my sticky entry if u want one of the specimen girl charms before theyre gone forever! im on mobile which makes linking a pain lol

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surgery update!

2026-01-16T18:30:18Z

warning for mild medical descriptions
not being too specific but ik some ppl are squeamish about medical stuff!

so i had my surgery consult yesterday, and they just went ahead and did it under local anesthesia! i was awake for it, didnt hurt at all actually. not even the numbing injections they warned me would burn severely. my high pain tolerance is a blessing... tho sometimes a curse, as thats the reason the wound went undiscovered for several months lmao. also it wasnt sewn up (cant due to the nature of the wound and cause), but rather opened up a bit to be thoroughly cleaned out + made to where it can heal better on its own! (:

BUT YEAH im expected to be fully healed in 5 weeks, give or take, and have a followup with the surgeon in 2 weeks. im ready for this to be over with woo!! tho i was also informed theres a 20% chance it could come back in my life, since it happened once it can happen again. there are ways to try preventing it, tho its not guaranteed so the doctor just recommended to keep an eye on the area every now and then. itll start as a cyst before it bursts into a wound anyways (how did i never feel a cyst burst there?!)

im glad ive been used to medical procedures and needles my whole life, otherwise the sudden surgery during the consult would have been a problem lol. had to give blood all the time as a toddler bc i was born with hyopothyroidism. not to mention spinal procedures as a teen. and many many diagnostic procedures + MRIs in my life. ...plus ive experienced necrosis before and was totally fine with it, unbothered, meanwhile my mom was trying SO hard not to freak out in front of me LMAO

no yeah im glad i got it over with. i wanna heal already!! my bf is very helpful with cleaning and dressing the wound site too, which i appreciate since i cant do it myself (limited mobility and all, i cant reach). yesterday i was so sad i was too exhausted to draw, and mat kept having to bonk me over the head like "YOU JUST HAD SURGERY TODAY" lolll but what if i LIKE drawing... :3

tldr i got surgery, im healing, im fine :D

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sharing some selfship art ive received! + commentary

2026-01-14T06:34:33Z

so as some of you may know. i like selfshipping! or as some call it, yumeshipping, tho i tend to default to saying selfship lol. theres plenty of characters i selfship with, but main ones are Sannan Keisuke (Hakuouki) and Kasane Ted (UTAU) (note that i also separately ship Ted with my own UTAU Visp Verity). theres some others still high up there, like Est and Oboro (Yumekuro), Jade Curtiss (Tales of the Abyss) (still playing the game. no spoilers pls!), etc... i used to mainly selfship with Jinguji Jakurai from Hypnosis Mic, but ive really fallen out of Hypmic. ill keep all the fanmerch in memory of when that spark was alive, but yknow. prob wont commission jakuray ever again (':

anyways. i wanted to share some selfship art ive commissioned over time! :D

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Ted/Ray by mayordea on VGen

ok so. the framing is SO wonderful here!! ive been obsessed w this commission ever since i got it! the pose, the atmosphere, everything... so lovely!!
ive loved kasane ted since the very early days, considering i got into vocaloid + utau in 2008, so being able to selfship w him now is so freeing.. (i used to deal with friends, now ex friends, being huge haters on anything they deemed "cringe" including selfship. fuck that !!)

anyways. please commission my mutual mayordea! ive gotten like 3 commissions (other 2 are ocs) and its always so amazing!

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Sannan/Ray by spinachsquare on VGen

Sannan beloved... played Hakuouki in 2018 and fell in luv with Sannan! this commission is sooo cute, i adore it sm!! the pose is so fitting, + i love their art style here a ton (:
ive been planning on replaying Hakuouki and making my bf watch and absorb it LOL he does want to see Sannan's route. so much happens. dont worry about it, i understand his depression, internalized ableism, and why he acts the way he does. does that mean ill fix him? well not exactly, a relationship doesnt cure someone of all their problems and mental health. however. im not here to fix him, im here to understand and support him ~~and kiss him~~

fun fact. Sannan is 5'8, im 5'7 irl. practically the same height lol

someday ill design a Hakuouki-specific outfit for my sona.. its on my to do list with my full sona ref! the above is my standard outfit. and, well, id probably want to do two outfits considering the shift between kyoto winds VS edo blossoms

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ok i was gonna share like 2 more but im getting tired. struggling to sleep tonight for hours so i got on pc, alas my brain is slowing down. mayhaps ill be able to sleep?! find out next time... or something lmao

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🩸 BLOOD FLASK CHARMS HAVE ARRIVED UPON MY DOORSTEP!!

2026-01-09T23:16:42Z

very quick photo before i assemble the clasps on these, but...

🩸 Gakupo Specimen Girl Flask Charms have arrived !!

ive been so excited for these! limited edition, only 10 in existence, likely wont be restocking after theyre gone! 🖤
(ill be updating on socials when theyre available on my ko-fi shop! note that these are expensive for me to make, so theyll be priced $25 as is standard for most liquid-filled charms)

im proud of this design.. and obsessed with the final product!! in person the way the blood-like oil flows is sooo cool imo!

heres the digital version of the finished artwork as well (:

just HAD to share this ASAP! let me know what you guys think of the design :D

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life updates - #mydeepwound and more!

2026-01-09T18:40:45Z

soooo i need surgery soon! consult is on jan 15th, hoping it doesnt cost too much...!
tldr: my deep wound that was found in september (tho presumably have had unnoticed for over a year now) got infected again bc the first wound care place i was referred to never returned any calls. so i was in the ER on new years day and got referred to general surgery at the hospital!

if you follow my bluesky youve prob seen my mutual aid post trying to raise $200 for groceries and consult cost. i have $70 so far! tho i feel kinda bad talking about finances here fsr..... pain of being disabled on SSDI therefore very low income

anyways. onto more positive things!

been doing my best to draw while antibiotics kick my ass! made good progress on the last 2 commissions i have rn yesterday, both got approved to continue without corrections! :D
ive also been slowly working on heart button and bookmark designs! wanna have them done for citrus con since im boothing there. speaking of, its a free to attend digital con focused on BL and such! if anyone wants to attend, you just gotta sign up in advance. heres their website. i dont think ill get every design i wanted done in time, but thats ok. shit happens [points to the first paragraph here]. regardless tho i hope everyone likes what i have to offer in my shop and for commissions! (:

havent been able to sit up too much lately but rn im doing good! hence replying to everything i missed lol, i dont like dreamwidth on mobile very much.. i love my pc <3

after posting this (and posting a discussion prompt to ocrealm ) im gonna try drawing more! maybe merch or personal art... been on the commission grind the most lately lol
oh my god i just remembered i dont know where my corner rounder is for bookmarks i make at home..... REMEMBER ME i want to round the bookmarks i make, not leave them w the regular sharp corners (':

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✨️ 2025 Art Summary

2025-12-31T20:46:44Z

while health complications got in the way of drawing as frequently as id have liked to, im still happy with what all i drew this year 🖤🖤🖤

in 2026, id like to focus more on personal art and studies more than commissions. i also want to find more time for merch design! though i truly think i need the art study time.. ive already been practicing techniques from Morpho: Simplified Forms!

irt commissions, i plan on raising my prices after citrus con (im an artist there this february!). i dont have a lot of money considering im on disability benefits, plus i tend to stress out when i have too many comms at once— poor health gets in the way of drawing often! although i still make it on time w comms and keep clear communication best i can, id prefer to have less stress + earn more per piece. i mean, my prices are underpriced regardless.
...maybe i should raise them before the con since my comms are closed until then anyways. but ill be offering a discount for attendees ahhh! is it fair to raise my prices 2 months in advance...?

another thing i want for 2026 is to find ways to save more money! which ive already been trying and failing at! lol but fr i want to build back up savings, as i have none. well i have $13 in my savings account atm, but u get what i mean thats so little lol.

with merch making next year, maybe id benefit from doing preorders on acrylic charms... i dont like doing preorders tho, esp since the charms take 1.5 - 2 months to arrive to me after submission (manu is super high quality tho so idm the wait, just yknow, idk if buyers would mind). could always do campaigns on backerkit (akin to kickstarter)... my bf would have to manage the money part of it tho to be safe! so maybe wed collab?? who knows ill figure it out eventually

anyways one thing is for sure. ill keep drawing men with long hair and glasses (:

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Introducing Prince Ray [Mariosona]

2025-12-23T22:07:06Z

The prince of a kingdom long gone, these days he can be found secluded in a crumbling castle, guarded by the loyal few that remain…

^the original concept i made for my mariosona in 2022! my general idea was that he's a boo prince who takes on a magical yet ghastly human form in front of those not from his kingdom. perhaps if he were in a mario game (prob paper mario or one of the other rpgs), he would first appear in that magic form before his true form is revealed later.

then come years later, my bf made his own mariosona, Shy Cat, a shy guy! heres some doodles i did when Shy Cat was early in design

the difference in the way i drew Prince Ray's face... some friends say its like he went from baby face to more mature!

and lastly, heres an artfight piece from this year i did of our mariosonas together!

mat really liked it!! im glad lol. this piece also was part of how i found out i like drawing in black and white + spot color! very fun style (:
i imagine that Prince Ray can be a bit overprotective of Shy Cat at times lol

anyways... that aside... do you think he’ll stay with him forever in that crumbling castle?

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gaming updates + commission musings etc

2025-12-19T23:49:10Z

health has been poor but when isnt it lol .. i cope tho, doing my best to do what i can! but its been making me very slow at drawing...

that aside, me and my bf mat picked back up on dead island 1! itd been a couple weeks since we last played. dead island 1 and riptide were both games i played to completion w my dad back in the day before he passed, we really enjoyed them together! it was actually the reason he got us a 2nd xbox, just so we could play more multiplayer games that didnt support split screen (wish i had that kind of money for games as an adult... oh well)

i know its not the best game ever lol, but its fun in multiplayer. mat has been having fun w it with me at least (:

also cleared the first dungeon in ocarina of time today! pour one out for the great deku tree... i think thats what hes called in english?? ive never played much zelda oops. playing the game a little at a time. i can read jpn much better than i can speak it, i need to practice more ahhhh! not that im a fluent reader but im decent lol. everyone say Thank you furigana (i know a good amount of kanji for my skill level but it still helps for new vocab)

christmas is coming up, i wasnt able to do too much for gifts bc financial issues and all. but i hope friends like what i got..! im also part of a secret santa exchange online, so i really hope my recipient likes what i got for them (:
...im getting my package from my secret santa monday, and im allowed to open it early! so excited ... !!

now how to close this off.. i finished a shaded bust commission recently, now 2 commissions remain in my queue! closed all my services on vgen tho, theyll reopen for citrus con in late february. then after that, im going to be reevaluating my prices and what services i offer. unfortunately my health is making working on commissions and any art much more difficult in recent times. ive despaired over it some, but i wont give up!!

at least the break means i can work more on merch designs and personal art 🖤

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iwamine shuu heart buttons!

2025-12-13T18:41:06Z

happy (belated) bday iwamine shuu!! it was yesterday on 12/12, so i figured Why not share these buttons i made of him! finished almost 2 years ago... (:

despite being more niche, my shuu buttons have sold out TWICE ! my most popular merch piece thus far!! thankfully i can restock whenever at home lol
hes available here on my ko-fi shop! 2 left as of posting

ive been meaning to replay hatoful boyfriend by showing it to my bf, every route. i originally played it in.... 2014 i think? perhaps i was a little young for it, but i mean, i played more graphic visual novels when i was 12 - 13 lol. still not good actually thats worse! but its in the past lmao

anyways iwamine shuu is everything to me. "You died before I could confess my feelings. And I've chased your shadow ever since." what if i just scream and cry and die right now

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